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Tuesday, May 11, 2004

I've had plenty of nicknames in my time. Some have been very telling, others - vague and of the inside joke variety. But nonetheless I have had my fair share of them.

I got my first nickname (at least the first one that stuck)in my freshman year of high school. It came from playing football. Now the funny thing about this name was that it shifted its meaning over the course of time, the name: SLAB.

Now it started out as someone referred to me as a side of beef. This quickly morphed into a slab of beef (apparently that sounded funnier to the guys), or Slab for short. I took some sort of pride in this name. Everybody I played sports with called me Slab, which was several hundred kids (I played football,indoor track, spring track and I also wrestled and played baseball one year each). Now I would get lazy at practice sometimes and might skip a day here and there, so my coach came up with the acronym S.L.AB, The Sick Leave ABuser. Thus my transition from being a side of beef to being a sick leave abuser was complete. I kept this nickname until College, although some people from high school who I don't see or talk to very often still call me it.

I went without a nickname for years until one fateful day in April of 1994 when I began working at AutoPalace. I had my shoulder length hair pulled back into a ponytail and I had a goatee. There are varying legends in regards to the way I came across my most recent nickname. That name: Wolfman, Wolf or varying Wolf-isms. Well here is the definitive version....I like to eat, anybody who knows me, knows this. Now bear in mind that I like to smoke pot. Lots of it. You know that Sublime song:

I smoke two joints in time of peace
and two in times of war
I smoke two joints before I smoke two joints
and then I smoke two more

That about sums it up. But combine the fact that I like to eat, along with the weed and the right circumstances, it could turn into a "Perfect Storm" of the the munchies.
I had just started working at the Palace and had arrived at work at lunch time with a huge sub. Now my boss and co-worker Pete used to go out and get stoned in his car at lunch time. That day I happened to join him before my shift. Upon entering the premises I quickly spied the sub on the counter, which is good because I was so stoned I had already forgotten that I had it. I had one of those moments,the stoners equivalent to finding $20 in your pocket. Amazing food and lots of it..oh and thanks to the weed -no shame in eating all of it. Really fast. I ate that fucking thing so fast people didn't know whether to shit or go blind, they had begun to assemble in amazement around the counter to watch. "Hurry up, get back here and see this", people were trying to hand me gloves because they were afraid I was going to eat one of my fingers. It was a sickening spectacle. I wolfed that fucker down...hence the name Wolf-man, although it helped Im sure that I looked like a young Wolfman Jack. I could even sound like him. Depending on who you ask, they called me Wolfman before that day because of my look. But I say I earned the name Wolf-Man that day, literally and figuratively speaking.

After that day the name stuck from job to job because I inevitably always worked with someone with a connection to AutoPalace. The Wolf-isms I was refering to earlier included anything with the word Wolf in it. I became Wolf-a-damus able to see the future, I became Wolf-a-dermis (I have no idea). This was followed by my personal favorite Wolf-a-dextrous , able to "wolf" with either hand (I was afraid to ask). I am still known to whole segments of the population as Wolfman. You have to remember that the shop I ran back then was the only one of it kind in the City proper, So if you needed quick service, you came to us. So its hilarious to me when I go back, and its been four years now since I left for Rock and Roll, and people still call me Wolf.
On a side note, the name has followed me out to California as well because of my Boston connections...The funny thing is I have grown to like it. Not only that but I feel I have sort of become the embodiment of the Wolfman. Or as we like to say out here,
Hombre del Lobo.

Does anybody want to share a nickname or a story as to how they got it?

Thursday, April 15, 2004

A letter Fom Michael Moore.....I LOVE this guy!

Heads Up

April 14, 2004

Friends,

I have never seen a head so far up a Presidential ass (pardon my Falluja) than the one I saw last night at the "news conference" given by George W. Bush. He's still talking about finding "weapons of mass destruction" -- this time on Saddam's "turkey farm." Turkey indeed. Clearly the White House believes there are enough idiots in the 17 swing states who will buy this. I think they are in for a rude awakening.

I've been holed up for weeks in the editing room finishing my film ("Fahrenheit 911"). That's why you haven't heard from me lately. But after last night's Lyndon Johnson impersonation from the East Room -- essentially promising to send even more troops into the Iraq sinkhole -- I had to write you all a note.

First, can we stop the Orwellian language and start using the proper names for things? Those are not “contractors” in Iraq. They are not there to fix a roof or to pour concrete in a driveway. They are MERCENARIES and SOLDIERS OF FORTUNE. They are there for the money, and the money is very good if you live long enough to spend it.

Halliburton is not a "company" doing business in Iraq. It is a WAR PROFITEER, bilking millions from the pockets of average Americans. In past wars they would have been arrested -- or worse.

The Iraqis who have risen up against the occupation are not "insurgents" or "terrorists" or "The Enemy." They are the REVOLUTION, the Minutemen, and their numbers will grow -- and they will win. Get it, Mr. Bush? You closed down a friggin' weekly newspaper, you great giver of freedom and democracy! Then all hell broke loose. The paper only had 10,000 readers! Why are you smirking?

One year after we wiped the face of the Saddam statue with our American flag before yanking him down, it is now too dangerous for a single media person to go to that square in Baghdad and file a report on the wonderful one-year anniversary celebration. Of course, there is no celebration, and those brave blow-dried "embeds" can't even leave the safety of the fort in downtown Baghdad. They never actually SEE what is taking place across Iraq (most of the pictures we see on TV are shot by Arab media and some Europeans). When you watch a report "from Iraq" what you are getting is the press release handed out by the U.S. occupation force and repeated to you as "news."

I currently have two cameramen/reporters doing work for me in Iraq for my movie (unbeknownst to the Army). They are talking to soldiers and gathering the true sentiment about what is really going on. They Fed Ex the footage back to me each week. That's right, Fed Ex. Who said we haven't brought freedom to Iraq! The funniest story my guys tell me is how when they fly into Baghdad, they don't have to show a passport or go through immigration. Why not? Because they have not traveled from a foreign country -- they're coming from America TO America, a place that is ours, a new American territory called Iraq.

There is a lot of talk amongst Bush's opponents that we should turn this war over to the United Nations. Why should the other countries of this world, countries who tried to talk us out of this folly, now have to clean up our mess? I oppose the U.N. or anyone else risking the lives of their citizens to extract us from our debacle. I'm sorry, but the majority of Americans supported this war once it began and, sadly, that majority must now sacrifice their children until enough blood has been let that maybe -- just maybe -- God and the Iraqi people will forgive us in the end.

Until then, enjoy the "pacification" of Falluja, the "containment" of Sadr City, and the next Tet Offensive – oops, I mean, "terrorist attack by a small group of Baathist loyalists" (Hahaha! I love writing those words, Baathist loyalists, it makes me sound so Peter Jennings!) -- followed by a "news conference" where we will be told that we must "stay the course" because we are "winning the hearts and minds of the people."

I'll write again soon. Don't despair. Remember, the American people are not that stupid. Sure, we can be frightened into a war, but we always come around sooner or later -- and the one way this is NOT like Vietnam is that it hasn't taken the public four long years to figure out they were lied to.

Now if Bush would just quit speaking in public and giving me more free material for my movie, I can get back to work and get it done. I've got four weeks left 'til completion.

Yours,

Michael Moore


Thursday, April 08, 2004

Ok - So I get sent a link at work today yahoo about Clear Channel throwing Stern off the air from six of its stations. Now I know this is old news, they said they would do this as much as two weeks ago. But reading about it again gets me so damned pissed I really feel like I want to fuckin' strangle someone. I'm not kidding. Really. So before I commit a capital felony:

The fines were levied not because of talk about sex accompanied by the sounds of flatulence but based on a listener who called in on the phone and used the word "nigger". The real significance is that this ruling set a precedent that broadcasters are now not only responsible for their own material, but for outside or ephemeral material which may go out on their airwaves. This could require every station or broadcaster of any kind to use 7 second delays in every broadcast. But forget that argument , there is always that pesky little first amendment lurking around.

This is a civil war folks. And in this case brought to you by Clear Channel. In their quest for monopolization of the entire media world (Did you ever see the movie "The World Is Not Enough"?), they have broken just about every law, regulation or FCC mandate regarding media ownership. They have been able to make up for this by a) obeying the Bush administrations every wish and command and b) can you say campaign contributions? So basically, Clear Channel is the media mafia and the FCC are the cops on the take. Bush is the mayor of Crooktown and they all get rich and fat creating a fascist regime where people have no choice in what they watch, listen to or read. Are you prepared for a government broadcast sytem with Bush and Jesus at the helm?? (That deserves a second question mark)

Isn't this what we are supposed to fighting against? Everywhere but here I guess...

And further, Bush is trying to pass a bill that would hold artists directly responsible for so called "indecent" material. That is to say that every time you hear Roger Daltry belt out "Who The Fuck Are You?" on the air waves Roger himself is subject to massive fines! If Bush, Ashcroft and the FCC have their way, there will be no more art as we know it, no more creation. Life will become like a well designed bottle of bleach.

Tuesday, April 06, 2004

This my folks, is the beginning of the end. If you came here to read amazing writing - you've come to the wrong place. If you came here to find a voice of sanity and reason - you're definitely in the wrong place. I am crass, rude and woefully inadequate...especially in bed. I hope to insult you, I hope to offend. I think people these days take themselves waaaay too seriously. Everyone is offended by something, all the time. I'm here to help break down those barriers or at least give you something real to build them with. The next person who claims to have been offended by tits on the tv can come here and take some of this (cut to me holding this monster cock that I don't have).

I am not here to make friends, quite frankly I am not sure I have any place in my life for new friends. I've got too many already, maybe I should get rid of some. Everyone has some half-assed friends that they could cut loose and never miss. This space is all about me and my voice, my words. Accept or go fuck yourself.

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